Why it’s difficult to leave an abusive relationship

A question that I get asked a lot is about abusive relationships, specifically why do people stay in them. There are surface level reasons like financial stability, prestige, and other things along that nature, but let us go deeper. The deeper reason that can evolve into the surface level reason, is due to the abusive relationship being their new normal or what they are used to. What a lot of people do not realize is that the human body adapts physically, mentally, and emotionally to whatever lifestyle the person chooses. For example, whenever someone is in a negative situation, whether that situation be traumatic or not, they are gradually getting acclimated and used to being treated negatively. They would expect negativity and even be weirded out if negativity did not happen to them. Also, their brain would rationalize that negativity as being their new normal. This also ties into habits. As the body adjusts to its new normal, habits start forming based off that new normal. Those new habits are going to be negative. Normally to break a habit, it takes 21 days of doing the opposite thing and not doing the usual habit. This is the reason why, positivity would feel weird to the person that is going through an abusive relationship and why it takes time, usually an average of 7 times, for someone to leave an abusive relationship. Positive things feel weird, not normal, and awkward/uncomfortable for that person. That is one of the reasons why, helping them out of the abusive relationship will feel weird at first and would have them go back to their negative safety net. Overall, the reason why people stay in abusive relationships is due to the abusive relationship being their new normal or them being comfortable with the negativity.

Coresair A. Mack MS.ED, LCPC, NCC